Unsanctioned Warpstar Knights XP Table

Lately, I've been trying to fine tune the class tree for my Ezzin setting.  I wanted a bunch of variety, but fast character creation that doesn't overwhelm new players.  I think I'll have class determined by die roll.  I'm missing one class for my list; I still need a race/class that always has Charisma 3.  I know it should be some kind of alien thing, I was thinking a lot about Monopods and Blemmyes but nothing really seemed to fit.

Then today I see that the blog MONSTROUS TELEVISION turned this...

 ...into this...

... and wrote up a Kirby Warpstar Knight race/class for AD&D/OSR games.  It's pretty badass.  Does that dude look like Charisma 3 to you?  That can't be a good first impression, right?  Also, anyone who knows about them will be put off by the possibility of being eaten.  Plus they are always eating, and have you seen them eat?  That's not something you want to watch.  These guys are just what I was looking for.

So yeah, I'm swiping it for my game.  Thanks, yo!  Rather than use the Fighter XP table as suggested, I'll use my class making charts to work up a new xp table for these guys.  Overall there won't be many Kirbies on Ezzin.  Players'll need to roll a Charisma 3 at character creation to have the option of playing as one.  In addition to their freakish appearance and mind warping eating habits, Kirbies are usually either wary or confrontational to others.  Remember, they grew up on a planet where a loved one might suddenly try to eat them just because it was three hours since second breakfast.  Trust no one.

To make the xp table I'm just giving a value to each of their abilities, then I tally those values up to use as a multiplier to the base xp.  Some of the values for the special abilities will get readjusted later, these are more like estimates that I might use for the playtest.

Standard Column (same as Fighter)

+100%  base standard used for every class

+180%  Hit Dice d10

+70%  Fighter Hit Progression

+10%  Level Limit 9

On my charts, classes need to pay for a level limit in order to gain access to beyond human abilities.  Making these guys cap at level 9 puts their max hp (90) just under the max for dwarves (96), which feels right to me.

+25%  Cleric Saves

+25%  Non-Metal Armor + Shield

They don't wear much back home.  When they first arrive on Ezzin, they are usually nude.  It's ok to look, they don't seem to have anything going on "down there".  Kirby reproduction remains a mystery.  Given their light squishy frame, they have dislike wearing most metal armors.  Any armor made of leather or hide must be specially made to fit their spherical shape.  Luckily, Kirbies can make their own armors just like they make weapons, from they're own cleverness and the half digested remains of their enemies.  Most hides will burst apart and be ruined whenever the Knight next puffs up to use it's floating ability.

+90%  Any Weapon

Since they can use two-handed weapons, I'm imagining them as human sized.  Like 5 to 6 feet tall.

+30%  Magic Item Use:  Weapons, Armor, Potions, Rings, and Misc. Magic Items

-----Beyond Human Abilities
+20%  Float (Levitate/Featherfall).  One round to puff up with air. 

+80%  Immunity to all naturally occurring poisons and diseases.
-15%  Voracious Eaters.  May be compelled to eat allies or pets.
+20%  Defensive Star Spew.  Air bladders can push the stomach contents under of lot of pressure.  Effects vary depending on how much was recently eaten.  It could be a globby projectile, or a slimy spray.

+65%  Craft Corpse.  Create your own magic items from the bodies of monsters.  Some may run out of ammo or expire.  No other class can learn to use them, except Necromancers.

----------------
+700% Total


XP Table
Level 2 - 2,800
Level 3 - 5,600
Level 4 - 11,200
Level 5 - 22,400
Level 6 - 44,800
Level 7 - 89,600
Level 8 - 168,000
Level 9 - 336,000

Randomized yet Customized Familiars

Wizards and witches and familiars and random charts and probabilities and how to make them all work just right. 

I've been pondering on this for a while now.  Like years actually.  I've never found the perfect solution.

The right answer is that there is no right answer, or more precisely that the right answer depends upon the exact setting and the overall tone that you are trying to achieve with your particular campaign.  There is a certain alchemy to mixing an infinite number of players to an infinite number of campaign settings, and I'd be a fool to think that I've found the perfect chart.

Yet, I have this thing.

It relies heavily on DM intervention and player imagination, but it seems to work.  I mean that it works in that myself and my players all seem to enjoy the results.  I share it in the hopes that you and your players might enjoy it too. 

This ... thing was originally designed to be used with a Beast-Master class, but that was never fully designed.  I've ended up using it for Wizard familiars and Druid/Ranger animal companions.  It's a bit gonzo and I'm sure it's not for everyone, but if you're still interested, here it is.

Spellcasters below level 4 use the "Uninspired Familiars Chart".  You know, the one with cat, rat, owl, toad, raven; and all that stuff on it.  Max of one Familiar per caster (unless you are a Beast-Master).  Any spellcaster who is 4th level or above can choose to remove (500xp/level) to use this "Super Secret Familiars Chart".  Assuming that you like spellcasters to roll a bunch of weird dice and are willing to wing it.  It goes like this.

The spell casting character casts the spell, does the rituals, or whatever.  At the end the character is in a trance-like state and imagines the particular creature they are trying to summon as a familiar.  The player describes the desired creature to the DM.  Then, the player rolls one of every die.

The DM (who is probably me unless someone else is crazy enough to try this) says "OH! That's interesting." and writes down the six results in order of lowest to highest.  Then the DM consults this system/chart/thing that they keep behind the DM screen.


Player Rolls:  d4 + d6 + d8 +d10 + d12 + d20.  

************
Lowest Number: = (special abilities + # Attacks/round)
2nd Lowest Number: = To-Hit Bonus (THAC0 20)
3rd Lowest Number: = Bonus to all Saves (0-Level Saves)
3rd Highest Number: = highest damage from a single attack
2nd Highest Number: = max HP (+1 per caster level)
Highest Number: (this number divided by 2; round down) = AC
**********

The end result should be somewhat similar to what the player described, but you know... let the dice speak their peace.  Remember that HP can represent luck, combat reflexes, size, or whatever.  Give the player their desired aesthetic and everybody wins.  I don't let the players see exactly what I'm doing because it amuses me that they think I have a chart with over ten thousand familiars on it.

I guess the hardest part is to determine what the lowest number means.  What counts as a "special ability"?  I just sort of make it up as I go, but here is a partial list.

* +1 Attack per round (default of zero)
*Flying/working wings: (damageable, but faster than running human)
*Floats/Levitates: (innate, but slower than running human)
*Breathes Air AND Water
*Big/Ridable (can carry a PC)
*Breath Weapon (or special attack you'll allow)
*Venomous/Poisonous
*Speaks Common or Whatever (human face optional)
*Casts a Spell (nothing flashy, once per day)
*Other (whatever's clever dude)

Now, I haven't mapped the probabilities for every possible roll, but I'm sure the curves are sexy.  I do know that the probabilities for the lowest roll (Special Abilities/# of Attacks) are:
1 = 57.14%
2 = 27.86%
3 = 11.51%
4 = 3.49%

The probabilities for the highest roll (AC) are:
1 (AC: 0) = 0.0002%
2 (AC: 1) = 0.01%
3 (AC: 1) = 0.14%
4 (AC: 2) = 0.73%
5 (AC: 2)= 1.82%
6 (AC: 3) = 4.03%
7 (AC: 3) = 5.75%
8 (AC: 4) = 8.82%
9 (AC: 4) = 9.04%
10 (AC: 5) = 11.29%
11 (AC: 5) = 8.75%
12 (AC: 6) = 9.58%
13 (AC: 6) = 5.0%
14 (AC: 7) = 5.0%
15 (AC: 7) = 5.0%
16 (AC: 8) = 5.0%
17 (AC: 8) = 5.0%
18 (AC: 9) = 5.0%
19 (AC: 9) = 5.0%
20 (AC:10) = 5.0%


Hmmm.  Maybe some examples would help?


EXAMPLE 1 
DM: "You cast the spell and enter a trance-like state.  What creature is your character picturing?"
PC Wizard:  "The floaty eel thing from the bad guy in Aladdin!!!"
DM:  "You mean Xerxes?  The eel thing that followed Mozenrath?"
PC Wizard:  "Yeah! That thing was awesome!"
DM: "Yeah, he was.  Go ahead and roll one of each die."
Player: *Rolls*
d4:2
d6: 3
d8: 7
d10: 7
d12: 3
d20: 11

In Order: 2, 3, 3, 7, 7, 11

Results
Lowest Number: Floats + Bite Attack
2nd Lowest Number: = +3 to Hit (or THAC0: 17)
3rd Lowest Number: = +3 to all 0-Level Saves
3rd Highest Number: = Bite Damage (d6+1)
2nd Highest Number: = 7 HP max (+1 per caster level)
Highest Number: (11/2 round down) = AC 5
End Result: 3 foot long Floaty Eel Thingie 
 

EXAMPLE 2
DM: "You perform the ritual and enter a trance-like state.  What entity is your character picturing?"
PC Wizard:  "A Mini-Me!!!"
DM: "Sure, OK.  Now roll one of each die."
Player: *Rolls*
d4:3
d6: 5
d8: 4
d10: 4
d12: 10
d20: 2

In Order: 2, 3, 4, 4, 5, 10

Results
Lowest Number: Speaks Common + Casts one spell per day (out of your spellbook, just like you; I'm being generous here.  It should really be a specific spell, but since you called it a clone thingy... whatever)
2nd Lowest Number: = +3 to Hit (or THAC0: 17)
3rd Lowest Number: = +4 to all 0-Level Saves
3rd Highest Number: = No Attacks/It abhors physical violence
2nd Highest Number: = 5 HP max (+1 per caster level)
Highest Number: (10/2 round down) = AC 5
End Result: 1 foot tall Caster Clone/Homunculus 
 

EXAMPLE 3
DM: "You spend a day meditating in the grotto.  What image does your character call to mind?"
PC Druid:  "Jabberjaw!!!"
DM: "Wait, what?"
PC Druid: "You know, the talking shark guy.  Didn't you ever see that cartoon?"
DM: "The shark guy who won't shut up and walks around on his tail fin?"
PC Druid: "Yeah!!!!!"
DM: "Ummm, Ok.  Sure, whatever; just roll"
PC Druid: *Rolls*
d4: 3
d6: 4
d8: 6
d10: 6
d12: 9
d20: 6

In Order: 3, 4, 6, 6, 6, 9

Results
Lowest Number: Bite Attack + Breathes Air and Water + Speaks Common
2nd Lowest Number: = +4 to Hit (or THAC0: 16)
3rd Lowest Number: = +6 to all 0-Level Saves
3rd Highest Number: = Bite Damage (d6)
2nd Highest Number: = 6 HP max (+1 per caster level)
Highest Number: (9/2 round down) = AC4 
End Result: 3 foot tall Walking Shark Dude
 

EXAMPLE 4
DM: "You commune with the great Willow Tree and seek to find your soul-mate.  What are you picturing in your mind?"
PC Wizard: "A little butterfly"
DM: "A butterfly?  Like, just a normal Monarch Butterfly?"
PC Wizard: "No, it's white with blue spots on the wings."
DM: "Okey Dokey.  Now roll one of each die."
d4: 4
d6: 6
d8: 3
d10: 3
d12: 7
d20: 11

In Order: 3, 3, 4, 6, 7, 11

Results
Lowest Number: Flying Wings + Big enough to Ride + Dangerous Proboscis
2nd Lowest Number: = +3 to Hit (or THAC0: 17)
3rd Lowest Number: = +4 to all 0-Level Saves
3rd Highest Number: = Proboscis Damage (d6)
2nd Highest Number: = 7 HP max (+1 per caster level)
Highest Number: (11/2 round down) = AC5 
End Result: 10 foot wide White Butterfly with Blue Spots

 
EXAMPLE 5
DM: "You call out to your dark masters.  What servant is your character imagining?"
PC Cleric:  "A Demon Scorpion"
DM: "Um, what does that look like?"
PC Cleric: "It's big and black, and has fangs and shit."
DM: "Wow.  That sounds badass.  Roll it up."
PC Cleric: *Rolls*
d4: 4
d6: 6
d8: 4
d10: 6
d12: 5
d20: 9

In Order: 4, 4, 5, 6, 6, 9 (that's a nice roll) 

Results
Lowest Number: Claw/Claw/Tail Sting + Big enough to Ride
2nd Lowest Number: = +4 to Hit (or THAC0: 16)
3rd Lowest Number: = +5 to all 0-Level Saves
3rd Highest Number: = Tail (d6), Claw (d4), Claw (d4)
2nd Highest Number: = 6 HP max (+1 per caster level)
Highest Number: (9/2 round down) = AC4 
End result: 6 foot long black scorpion with a human face, red eyes, and sharp teeth

Bizarre Safari: A Traveler's Guide to Goblin Land, Pt.4

The Nature and Astronomia of Goblin Land

I don't understand Goblin Land quite yet.  I cannot easily explain it's mysterious flora, fauna, or stars.  I've found the celestial curiosities especially inscrutable.  I'm afraid that the best I can do for you is to simply describe the things I've seen.  Even then, I'm sure to do it poorly.  What words of ours will help me paint the colors which I've had to train my eyes to see?  One feels them first at the back of one's eyes. After a time the eyes will then adjust.  Can I then train my pen to write them down?  I shall try my best.

The sky here is not blue at all, but an obstinate shade of green.  It's green like a pool of stirred algae, green as a bright jade stone.  The days are lit by a pair of suns.  The larger is perhaps the same size as our yellow sun, but colored instead a piercing bluish white.  Close beside it is a second sun, tiny by comparison and colored in a deep crimson.  These suns change position a bit each day.  They take turns leading one another across the sky.  About once each week the small red sun hides and is not seen at all, perhaps afraid of the blue who swells up with anger making these days hotter than most.  On the next day the red sun emerges again and seems to have calmed his blue friend a bit.  No matter the day, the blue sun is always painfully bright.  To my eyes, it's light has a certain thickness.  The colors of our clothes and skin all seem slightly skewed.

If anything the nighttime sky is even more bizarre.  The stars are all wrong and I can't make sense of them at all.  I see none of the familiar constellations.  The stars here show far more variety; some of them shine in colors that I've never seen before. 

The nights are lit by three different moons.  You might not see all three in a single night, but to go until dawn without seeing at least one is very rare indeed.  At first glance they each appear to be the size of our familiar Luna.  By stretching out an arm and holding up a thumb for measure, one can see slight differences in their size.  I've compared all three against my thumb on many nights, and impossibly they all seem to take turns at being the smallest and largest moon.  One of these moons is rather blueish, but a thick white-gray haze slowly creeps across it's face; it looks to me like a great milky blue eye now blinded by cataracts.  The second moon is a moving patchwork of color with shades of purple, black, and blue; this moon is the darkest of the three.   The last one is the brightest, and reminds me most of our familiar Luna.  It is mostly white with spots and splotches of grey and black.  Perhaps this is our Luna with her face turned away from Goblin Land, but recently I've come to think of this moon as the lost sister who once was Luna's twin.

Artwork by aanonymvs

The procession of days, nights, and seasons seem to pass much the same in Goblin Land.  The time you spend here is equal to the time you've lost back home.  However, these two worlds have their schedules misaligned.  While England is having a rainy dawn, Goblin Land might have clear green skies with the double suns riding high at midday.  I don't see any obvious pattern to these discrepancies, but I haven't yet made much of an effort to study them.

On the whole Goblin Land seems to be a drier place than England, but at least the clouds and weather seem familiar.  Storms come and go much as they did back home.  When the heavens open, it is good pure water that falls.

Mostly I've seen scrubland and rolling hills, but I've seen lakes and forests too.  The plants here are not green at all, but instead a variety of purples.  Leaves, needles, sprouts of new growth; all purple.  Also, I do not recognize any of the twist of branches or shapes of leaves.  These are not simply purple oaks and pine, but something altogether new.  Among the trees I've found some fruits to eat, and others to avoid.  The most common type of grass has tufts of thick fat purple leaves shaped similar to aloe.  If you find yourself in dire need you can boil these down until they are soft enough to chew.  It's not very pleasant, but it is safe to eat and easy to find.

The most common animals by far are lizards.  Well, either those or bugs.  They scurry here and there in infinite shapes, colors, and patterns.  Some of these grow to enormous size, there are ants here larger than men.  Gone though are the mice, and bats, and bears, and boars, and basically anything with fur.  There are cats now, but we brought those here.  Oh, and once I saw a kind of rabbit thing, but it had big bulging compound eyes like a horsefly so it may have been some manner of hairy insect.

Stay sharp if you head out into the wilds.  Watch for the large flying lizards, they'll sometimes carry off man-sized prey.  Tread careful when you aren't on rocky ground, occasionally a great toothy worm will burst up from below.  Also be wary of large nests that lie upon the ground.  The eggs might belong to a six legged Frostilisk who can freeze you solid with a glance.  Many dangers in the wilderness can be avoided if one just stays alert.  Yet even if the path is known, a wise man hires guides.

Bizarre Safari: A Traveler's Guide to Goblin Land, Pt.3

The Focus of my Fear

My first journey beyond the portal to Goblin Land was most disagreeable.  The strangeness of the place turned my dungeoneering instincts into paranoia.  Danger is no stranger of the strange, and so I know to be wary of weirdness.  But here, everything is an oddity.  Each look I took fed my fear and tension.  I was jumping at shadows, and raising my shield at the buzzering clicky-clucks of the buggybirds.

Artwork by Sjemenka

As it turns out, I needn't have worried so much.  I hope these written accounts of mine might help set your mind to ease.  The dangers of Goblin Land are similar to those of England.  To get a sense of it, just replace the desperate bandits with burrowing death worms who have toothy mouths at both ends, and instead of vicious soldiers there are four armed red men flying on pterodactyls who will drain the fluids from your living decapitated head to fuel their strange machines.  On second thought, "similar" might be the wrong word. 

What I mean to say is that the dangerous things tend to be obvious.  I haven't seen a tree or rock eat anyone yet.  I'll grant you that it's not an idyllic place, but at least there are no kings and queens to scrape and bow to before you're caught in the middle of their stupid war and die.  We make our own way here.


~
Excerpts from a strange travel book left at the Abbey of St. Emmet within Jeff Rients' Wessex campaign "A Surfeit of Lampreys", as written by my character, Vithujin the Elf.

Bizarre Safari: A Traveler's Guide to Goblin Land, Pt.2

Excerpts from a strange travel book left at the Abbey of St. Emmet within Jeff Rients' Wessex campaign "A Surfeit of Lampreys", as written by my character, Vithujin the Elf.


Down and out in Goblinville

When we first arrived this place was much different.  There was no goblin merchant, and the entire village was abandoned.  Just a collection of broken hovels at the bottom of a crater surrounded on all sides by a steep incline.   The looted shacks were either falling apart or burnt to ash; it was a ruined ghost town.  Around the perimeter of this village are eight passages dug into the steep incline at the bottom of the crater.  The portal we came through was one of these.  I know that a few of these lead back to various parts of the dungeons under Dundagel.  Perhaps they all do.

Artwork by Illeander

Turg (our goblin guide) explained to us that many of his kinfolk had been captured as slaves by the brown skinned people with three eyes or killed by purple skinned raiders.  With their numbers dangerously low, the remaining goblins decided to cross the runestone portal and seek safety within the dungeons of Dundagel.  A desperate plan indeed.  Some of the purple raiders pursued them and crossed into our world as well.

That was when we stumbled upon the pack of goblin survivors.  We knew nothing of their plight, of course.  The first words we heard from them were not greetings but the magical mutterings of their shaman.  We all sprang to action.  I threw my spear at the shaman hoping to disrupt his spell.  It not only pierced his right shoulder, but pinned him against the wall as well.  Then I pulled my blade and ran to finish him.  I'm not in the habit of leaving enemy spellcasters alive.  After that I spun around and saw the fight was over.  The scene was carnage, my comrades had cut down all the goblins save one.  That last goblin wisely chose to drop his weapon and surrender to us.  Thus Turg became our prisoner.

Luckily Fred the Dwarf knew the goblin-speak.  We bound Turg's wrists and questioned him, but suspected his words were lies.  It was decided that he should travel with us, so Fred began leading him through the dungeon by a length of rope.

We threatened to kill him if he tried to escape, but we need not have bothered.  He was telling us the truth; the goblin people were utterly wrecked and broken.  I hate to imagine how Turg must have felt that day.  Even if we let him go, where else could he have possibly gone?  At this point, every familiar friend he had ever known was either dead or enslaved.  I think it would have been cruel of us to set him loose.  Without home, hope, or haven; just a poor lost soul, forever floating, like a shadow in the darkness.  He needed our protection, and he knew it.  He was quite content to be our prisoner.  He even told us that we treated him more kindly than the shaman ever had.  For our part we were not quick to trust a goblin, but Turg proved his loyalty to us time and again.  He became a useful ally, and eventually our trusted friend.

Since then we've found and freed many goblin slaves, perhaps 30 in all.  They seem to have accepted Turg as their leader and have returned with him to Goblinville.  They were an instrumental source of unskilled labor as we built our stronghold up on the edge of the crater, looking out over their ruined village.  We invited all of them to live and work within the safety of our walls, but some (like the goblin merchant) have chosen to rebuild their old homes.  I suppose they feel safe enough within the shadow of our keep, and after all the time they spent in captivity the taste of freedom must be sweet indeed.

Bishop Aethelred has begun calling the goblins to mass within his newly built Chapel of the White Queen.  His teachings have made an impression on them.  They're slowly learning to solve their problems using words rather than fists, the importance of telling the truth, and best of all... hygiene.  They've really taken to the morals within Aethelred's teachings.  Their memory of the bible stories are atrocious though, which we elves (Lankii, Sonoma, and I) find highly amusing.  Our new pastime is to ask the goblins what they know about Adam and Eve or Moses just to hear some ridiculous thing come out their mouths.  Sometimes Aethelred informs us that they are actually telling the story correctly, which only makes us laugh even harder.  We mean no offense, honestly, it's all just so... delightful.

Anyhow, the town is growing and looking better all the time.  It seems that the soil in the crater is poor for growing, far too rocky and hard, but no one has gone hungry yet.  Thankfully there is a forest of sorts growing near the crater with fruit and some small creatures.  The elves we led here are trying to learn all they can about the strange new flora and to expand the forest.  Fred and the other dwarves insist we keep the trees the hell away from the walls of the stronghold, which is fine.  There is some debate now raging about planting some trees within the stronghold itself, but I'll keep my nose out of all that.  I'm beginning to worry though about the great family of feral house cats we rescued from below Dundagel and released into these woods.  The cats seem to be doing well since they are quicker than most of the other predators.  The trouble is that according to the goblins, the small lizards of the forest are becoming harder to catch. If the trend continues I suspect they'll begin to hunt for cat instead.  I think they would be eating the cats already if not for their great respect for Aethelred.  His affection for his cat, Billy White-Paw, is quite well known.

Perhaps we should lead some chickens and goats through the portal next.  I'll ask the others to invest a few coins to help prevent a goblin famine.  I'd buy the livestock myself, but I'm essentially bankrupt now after paying for part of the construction of the stronghold and my continuing magical research into creating the Gommagolem.  If successful I'll have made a magical, slightly corpsey automaton infused with the spirit of my dead friend Gomma.  For now I'm just glad that I was able to reanimate his skull; I can't imagine having to lose any of my closest friends.  Eventually, I hope to have him walking about, sleeplessly protecting Goblinville and guarding the portals that we've sealed.  Whenever I command him to answer, he tells me that he is very excited for the opportunity with his usual understated response "If I must".  He's such a card.

Bizarre Safari: A Traveler's Guide to Goblin Land, Pt.1

Excerpts from a strange travel book left at the Abbey of St. Emmet within Jeff Rients' Wessex campaign "A Surfeit of Lampreys", as written by my character from the every other Wednesday night tabletop crew. 


Bizarre Safari: A Traveler's Guide to Goblin Land

An Introduction

Good health and long life to all who read herein.  I am Vithujin the Elf, member of the adventuring group called the Silver Shields.  I am a dungeon delver and obviously no great sage, but I'm no simpleton either.  In my youth I spent a few short decades learning the lore of my people, and studying from the arcane texts.  As a resident of the guesthouse at the Abbey of St. Emmet, I've heard countless stories and wild rumors.  Back then, I thought I knew a little something about everything.  Yet, never have I seen reference nor heard any whisper to even hint at the existence of Goblin Land.  Without any clue or warning, I simply stepped into a new world and saw it all with my own eyes.  It is a vast, unknown, and alien realm.  I feel compelled to document this strange and colorful place.

My companions are not too keen for me to share these secrets.  They fear that my words will encourage other explorers to come and exploit the meager resources we've worked so hard to find.  I hope that they forgive me.  While I share their concerns, I know that others will stumble through the portal eventually.  We have made allies among some of the alien peoples living in Goblin Land, and I would hate for others to kill them simply because they look so strange.  We are striving to forge alliances here, and even a single such incident might ruin our reputations and plans.  They aren't all friends, there are dangers here as well.  Some are enemies to be avoided or swiftly killed.  So, I've decided to share with you all that I can about this strange world, hoping that in return you might respect our friends and help us fight the red four-armed bastards who think they own the place.

Whenever I return to see blue skies and familiar stars, I plan to leave a few new pages with the monks at the Abbey of St. Emmet.  I hope they might copy and bind them, making my words available for any who wish to read.  I may well find my end while exploring Goblin Land.  Perhaps these stories at least can be your guide even if I cannot.

Finding the Portal to Goblin Land

With mystery and magic quickly fading from the Earth, my friends and I are working to lead many into a strange new realm. We call it Goblin Land.  We're attempting now to seal all the portals to our old world, save one.  I'm sworn against providing exact directions, so the best I can do for you is share the few lines of cryptic poetry we've left with the remaining elves and dwarves in case they wish to follow.  Seek us out, noble heroes.


In Goblin Land we'll wait for you. So should you wish to go;
You'll make your way to Dundagel, then down the depths below.
No map nor guide knows where we hide.  Will you find where we are? 
Thresh on the Throne of Melting Flesh, you've likely gone too far.
Within a stark plain corridor the portal can be found.
Carved in the wall and eight feet tall; it's open, large, and round.
These silent seeming circle stones are ringed by glyphs and runes.
Does still their builder live beyond, beneath the triple moons?
The path is blocked, the way is shut, so close but yet so far.
A dwarven metal wall keeps safe the goblin made bazaar.
In center stands a sturdy door now double locked and barred.
This tough blockade is smartly made, but entry isn't hard.
You'll find no hinge nor handle for we loathe to be surprised.
So knock and smile and be polite and soon you'll have arrived.
Here lives the goblin merchant, who I'll thank you not to kill.
Beyond his store through the other door, there lies Goblinville.

Spell - Wind Bubble MU/Elf3

There is a small brown journal full of cramped personal notes and sketches in mixed elven and magical text. It's a first person account of researching a new magical spell and the expenditures to that end.

It details the purchase of many strange objects and ingredients, along with the successes and failures of their use. Soon it discusses the care and training of a chicken to be used as a test subject. The spell is designed to push back noxious vapors and allow the subject to breathe normally, so it's not the sort of thing that you alpha test on yourself.

The chicken turned out to be viciously uncooperative and eventually came to be named Loudy McShudup. She was a headstrong chicken who caused constant delays. The author seems to have spent a rather long time detailing the costs associated with each chickenastrophe, such as broken equipment, ruined ingredients, and hiring local youths to apprehend her after she ate a rare gemstone and escaped. The author estimates that before her suspiciously undocumented death, Loudy caused half of the total 6,000 gp in research costs.

The final two written pages are a scroll of the mostly finished spell as written by the author, easy to transcribe into a spellbook.


Wind Bubble
MU/Elf3
Range: Untested. It was typically cast on the chicken at close range.
Duration: Pretty long, but it fluctuates. Expect half an hour, hope for a full day.

A strong, focused wind continuously spirals around the subject. When possible, this wind forms into a sort of hollow 10' sphere that travels with the subject. A thin curtain of strong winds blow out from the feet, whip around and spiral up the body, ending in a jet of air shooting straight up from a point above the head. The wind is noisy and easy to hear, but impossible to see unless a lot of dust or sand is flying about. Halflings and heavy physical objects can pass through easily, but all gasses and vapors are expelled.

Once inside the effect of the spell it is blustery as the cool air moves out toward the edge, but this is only a steady breeze.  The subject has a constant supply of breathable air pouring out all around themselves. The outside edge is a gale force sheet of wind that runs along any floors and walls it can't push aside. Walking is made more interesting by the fast wind running along the ground. Like any strong wind, the edge of the bubble seems to repel normal fire and will put out torches and small flames that get too close. Droplets and small puddles are pushed back by the wind as the subject walks toward them. Entering a large pool of water will eventually cause the wind sphere to collapse into a constant eruption of bubbles.  Being surrounded by bubbles on all sides makes it impossible for the subject to swim as they gently sink to the bottom.  The ensuing underwater tower of bubbles might even capsize a canoe or rowboat if one end dipped too far into "boiling" waters.  I think it might be possible for the subject to use a wet sack or something to collect and use the bubbles to breathe underwater, but Loudy totally freaked out at that point so it remains untested.

With this spell I should be able to search through some deadly gas-filled rooms.  It wasn't designed to protect vs. dragon breath, fireball, or arrows... but an elf can hope. In theory at least, I'll be protected from poisonous vapors, noxious fumes, toxic spills, acidic rains, paralyzing dusts, vampiric mists, and all manner of unfortunately fatal floaty phantom foes.  ~V